This guy is Asian, but the poem resonated to me about the Philippines, especially when he talks about America being a dream he looked up to…..
Check it out and share it around!
Gosh, what a month, what a month.
The above picture is from my FAVORITE comic/graphic quote-book-thing, ‘A Softer World’
Always cheeky, poignant, and reassuring…they used to be in The Coast, which is a free newspaper in Halifax, NS, and I used to cut them out every week. I still have them all tucked away in a box at my moms somewhere.
I found out later you could buy a full-color book version at Strange Adventures comic shoppe, but I found the process of cutting them out and sticking them into an envelope kinda kitsch and wonderful, so.
Anywhoo, I guess I have a lot to update you on, so here we go.
I wrote down stuff as it happened to better remember, but it’ll be a bit spotty, my memory has never been great.
On God-knows-what day in Jan, Damon had been drunk for weeks, and I decided enough was enough for me.
I took a Jeepney downtown to Lee Plaza, got a bit of cash out, picked up smokes, and went to Coco Amigos.
I sat there chain smoking and crying, had every intention of sleeping outside, but it was raining and I had forgotten my umbrella. I was half-hoping Damon would show up and take me home but he didn’t. After a while, I was really tired and I just wanted to go home, so I got the last Jeepney back to Valencia and walked back to the house, and slept on the porch.
On the seventh of February, I again packed up and got ray to drive me to Coco’s. I had no money this time, and so I went over to the boardwalk across the street and sat there, smoking.
After a while, I curled up and tried to rest, but kids kept bothering me asking for money and stuff….that’s kinda an annoying part of downtown…..all the kids beg, and I’ve been told that the women sometimes lend their kids out to other homeless/beggar-people so they can have a better haul for the day…..people pity people with kids all around the world, I guess….and they cash in on that fact here.
Anyways, A man and a heavily makeupped Lady stopped eventually and started asking all kinds of questions…I told them my story, told them my visa had been expired since January, etc, and they told me I should go to the Mayor for help in the morning.
After they left, two guys stopped and asked to take my picture.
I was immediately creeped out, wondering why they wanted MY picture, and one guy said he was from Manila for the weekend and so he wanted a picture….My antennas were wiggling furiously, but let them take one..
After they left, the group of kids that had been hanging around told me to call the police because I was going to get taken.
I asked them if they meant kidnapped, and they said yes……so I didn’t know if they knew much English, and I don’t know if that’s what they really meant, but I went to Coco Amigos, and got them to call the police.
They eventually got there, and I told them I was pretty much homeless and my visa was expired….everyone was super nice, and they let me smoke….They took me to the copshop, let me use the computer, gave me hot chocolate….I answered questions and gave all my info and stuff….and then we basically just talked about our two countries, Canada and the Philippines, talked about jobs, food, education, etc until I got tired.
I slept in a bench in a back office, and the next morning it was kinda super rainy.
The day started a bit hectic, they were trying to figure out what to do with me.
We went to see a social worker in Valencia, who gave me P200 for food, but said there was pretty much nothing she could do for me because I had no money or tickets to get home to Canada, and they had no money either.
We went to the Immigration office, and they said I had to update my visa and obtain an exit clearance just to leave, and that they couldn’t help either. I asked about deportation, but since I hadn’t done anything wrong, they said it’d be impossible, and that it takes months anyway.
One of the Female officers bought me lunch at a little cafe and we had a bit of a chat, she told me she’s dating a female judge in Ontario, she showed me pictures, and talked about Canadian money, I pointed out that the toonie and the ten peso looks similar to each other and stuff, it was a really nice break from the stress of the past few days.
After a few hours of head scratching, I was taken to la Casa Esperanza, which is a crisis center for women and children in Dumaguete city. I was told I would be able to stay until Monday, this day being Saturday.
I was shown around, read the rules, and shown to my room, which I shared with a woman and her baby, and a little girl.
It wasn’t really all that different from being at Adsum House, which is a shelter for women in Halifax that I have lived at quite a few times in the past.
My stay was fine, all the girls tried to teach me Tagalog, and I managed to remember a few….I now know shark, water, plate, dog, cat, eyes, and bat…and I have a list of other stuff that I’ve yet to memorize.
I had to beg for coffee and to be able to smoke cigarettes outside out of sight, which had me a bit stressed out for a few days, but I got through it.
On Monday, I heard nothing, then on Wednesday I got really homesick, so I asked them if I could go back to the house and see if things were any better, to try to make peace and stuff.
Two officers and a counselor took me back to the house, and right away I could tell Damon hadn’t even stopped drinking at all.
I spent two days at the house before I figured everything was royally effed, and so I went to the Valencia police station, and told them I wanted to contact the Canadian Embassy about going home.
They cleaned up a little nippa hut on the property and told me I could sleep in it while we got everything straightened out.
It was awesome watching how fast they cleaned and fixed the hut, it was a wreck before I got there, and a team of about six or seven guys zipped around and put a tarp on the roof and all that.
So I lived there for about a week and a half, then Damon sent me a stupid message on Facebook saying my Lush package had arrived….I paid a lot of money for it and so I went back to the house to get it.
Stupid fucking idea.
Damon was sitting in my pajama pants, all contrite and resolved and told me he had stopped drinking and he didn’t want to drink anymore and it was too inconvenient and blah blah blah blah blah, long story short, I decided to give him yet another goddamned chance, and he lasted a week.
As SOON as his mother left for her job, he picked up a bottle and started in on me yet again.
I’m now back living in the hut at the police station, trying to get the Canadian embassy to help me, and being very hungry and frustrated and tired and depressed and suicidal and pretty much the lowest I can currently be.
Donations would sincerely be appreciated at this point.
The Bloody End for now.
Lots of things have happened, and fear not, I have not abandoned this bloggity at all, the technology in the house all went kaput at pretty much the same time….
Donna went to Makati for surgery a few days before my birthday…..which was January 17th….then the tv died, and the internet started glitching up….
Damon drank again for four straight days and that was terrible, I got called all sorts of nasty things again, and at one point it was so bad I took my bag, packed it, and got a jeepney to Coco Amigos on the waterfront downtown.
I sat there for hours, had a calamansi juice, and smoked cigarettes…..I foolishly assumed he’d come try to find me after so many hours, but I was wrong. I was going to sleep outside and start doing what I needed to do to survive, but I got really tired and it was raining so I got the last Jeepney back to Valencia and walked back to the house.
What a terrible cycle it is….He drinks and treats me horribly…..I tell him I want to go home, and that he promised to send me back if things didn’t work out…then he stays sober for a few days so I feel like everything’s back on track, then he gets drunk again.
I’m tired of it, but I’m literally stuck here…I have no way to get myself home, I have about $100 in the bank, and I don’t know anyone who can help me out. I don’t want to ask Donna because she’s dealing with the chemo and stuff right now….but I’m going to have to.
My visa extension has also been expired since January 18th…..so technically I’m staying in the country illegally right now….but again, no money to do anything about it.
Maybe I could be deported. lol
Anyways, while Damon was on his little binge, I’d go up to the top of the path with a book and a beer and just sit and read all day….one day I was just crying and begging God for help, saying I needed to talk to someone, and that kinda stuff….and a few minutes later after I calmed down a bit, two missionaries, Sister Seaberg and Sister Fatiau sat down on the bench beside me and talked with me for quite a few hours.
They’re Mormons, and we’ve been hanging out ever since, they come to the house, we’ve cooked pasta for them, we went to church, and I’ll be going again this week, and while I don’t think I’ll join the church as a member, it’s just really nice to be socializing and to have someone to talk to again in the ‘real world’
Damon was invited to start a cooking class in the church, but last night while drunk he was going on about how he’s not going to go anymore and blah blah, so tough luck for him.
Not much other news, we’re going to be switching internet providers soon, because this one has terrible connection.
Write more soon….I haven’t died, don’t worry. haha
Wasn’t that a break and a half?
Sorry about that….a few things happened, let’s see if I remember them good.
Got my mannequin after much hemming and hawing….The shirt/dress/thing I’m working on is black, and its a black form, so i jimmied the colors so you could kinda see it:
It’s been frustration and a half, because I have to hand-sew everything, and the ‘kins boobs are about two inches bigger than mine.
But I still love it.
Number Two, I went out for lunch with Donna and the Ladies she hangs out with one friday past….it was fine, everything was nice and the Ladies were all sweet and funny….Donna made me pay for my own meal though so thank Baby Jesus my mom gave me some money for Christmas or I would have looked like a fool.
Sadly, the day was busted when Donna and I went to the secondhand store afterwards….we looked around for an hour or more, she picked out a few fabrics that she wanted me to have, first said she’d buy them, then asked if I could chip in…I said yes, then went on my own and picked out a beautiful dress and nightie for myself, and when she saw them, she suddenly went “Well, I’m not buying fabric if you’re going to buy such a frivolous purchase like that,its too expensive.”
Uhhhhh……fine, whatever. So I left with just my dress, and no fabric.
Gosh, I forget the third thing I was going to write about.
Damon and I got out to eat one night, with some of my Christmas money.
I spent Christmas crying in bed, with a bottle of beer….I missed my mom, and no one in this house celebrates it….Donna also called me a bitch when I found cat pooh on my sewing fabrics and showed it to them and said “THIS IS WHY WE CLOSE DOORS AROUND HERE!!!”
Christmas…..what a crappy day that was lol
New Years Eve.
No one watched with me, and I didn’t realize until about 11:30 pm what the heck was going on, why everyone was setting off firecrackers and stuff, but once 12 am hit, HOLY GOOD SWEET GOD!!!!!
SO MANY firecrackers and fireworks exploded that I am 100% amazed the whole country doesn’t burn to the ground every year.
I swear, the ex-army guys that live here must have renewed PTSD every New Years eve….there was a type of cracker that sounded exactly like a bunch of gun rounds popping off……the neighbors were all shooting off stuff, one of them hit our roof lol
I thought I was going to have a heart attack.
The air was so smoky, and smelled really nice…..and all the horizons were lit up, we’re too high of an elevation and too far away to see the majority of fireworks in Dumaguete city, but a neighbor to our right set off a few really beautiful ones.
Then, a few days ago, Donna lost her shit at Damon for being a bad son, and for being lazy and blah blah, loser, blah blah not doing anything with his life, blah blah, whatever, and I lost it, I started telling her what she needs to get through her skull, that Damon’s only around because he wants her to have a good send off, that he cares for her, that his job is to feed her fat ass, that she also had alcohol issues, that I was allowed to buy food with money if I really wanted to, she had the damn audacity to say “Oh good, finally your mom stepped up to be a good parent” Or something, saying she abandoned me and blah blah and I DOUBLE lost it, cuz hell no, no one talks about my Mama, especially when they don’t know and weren’t there…..so she said I don’t know shit about Damon’s father and what he was like as a kid, and that he was cheating on me with Kathleen and “Ask him about Joanne!!!” Like he was a big old shit.
First off, Damon’s let me read all his correspondence with Kathleen, and no he wasn’t cheating on me….timestamps don’t lie.
Second, The Joanne thing was Damon trying out a relationship with a MTF that simply didn’t work because he’s straight.
I say goddamn kudos to him for not being a close-minded arsehole and being willing to try to love someone just the way they are.
I can’t believe his mother would condemn him for that, or bring it up as a talking point in an argument…just shows HER character, in my view…..
I also brought up the fact that in my seven or eight months of being here, she hasn’t told her CHILD that she loves him, even ONCE…but I’ve heard her more than a few times telling him she hates him, and to kill himself and to leave and to fuck off.
What a mother.
So she told me to get out of her house and to take him with me, and I said I would if I could, and blurr dee blurr.
So Damon and I will probably be moving back to Canada for a while to work, since neither of us can land a job here, or on the internet. We’re worried about the cats, and we’ll be taking at least three of them back with us immediately…..but I dunno how or when.
The option of moving to Siquijor is always open, if only we could get enough money together to do so.
I really wish I could have found jobs online.
If you want to help support this bloggity, you can donate three different ways.
Paypal, right HERE
Email Transfer to firstname.lastname@example.org
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thanks for reading, and see you until next time!
Here are a few new pictures of stuff from the garden.
So remember when I said living with an addict is hard?
Well, living with abuse is impossible.
Damon went off the deep end last night, I’m not sure what caused it exactly, and he punched me twice in the face.
I was laying in bed, because it’s that time of the month, and I was in pain….he came in and started taking clothes off the shelf, so I asked him where he was going. He said, ‘Downtown.’ I asked if I could come, and he said No….he started talking randomly about going down town and doing a social experiment to see how women react to asshole guys or something, he wasn’t making much sense, so I said ‘Fine whatever, you go downtown and have fun, I’ll just lay here.’
He left, saying ‘My final experiment is done’ or something to that effect…
Then he came back in, music blasting from the cpu room, and just sat there on the bed, not doing or saying anything.
I told him I was in pain and I just want quiet and could he please have some respect for me?
He threw back ‘So I cook and clean and do everything for you and blah blah blah and you want respect?’
Then he left again.
Then he came back and said he was going to look stuff up online about breast cancer and that I’m ungrateful and bitchy and self centered and more blah blah blah, then he called me a cunt, and I got up and went onto the porch to get away from him.
I heard the door close, and I thought I heard him lock me out, so I went back inside, and said ‘I know I didn’t hear the lock on that door, right?’
And then he came at me. Put his hand around my neck and told me to get out of his house. I shoved him away three times and told him it wasn’t his house, and that I wasn’t going anywhere.
He went to the kitchen, and I went to the other side of the room, where Donna’s bedroom door is…I was fucking terrified he was going to pull a knife on me, but he just came at me to punch me.
I shoved him into the bathroom door, and he came at me and punched me in the face.
I shoved him again, into a hamper and shelving unit thingy….then his mom came out of the room and separated us, he was going to hit me again.
I went into Donna’s room to get away from him, and he started screaming about how all women are shit and he’s going to go disappear and that I was supposed to save him and I was his last hope and that his mother caused him to be this way and that having Auspergers is so hard, and how he doesn’t do anything but cook and feed us and we’re ungrateful and I’m a parasite and for Donna to give her money to terrorists when she dies and just….crazy, insane shit.
Totally off the wall shit.
Then he went into the bedroom and started smashing pictures and stuff, I haven’t seen the bedroom since I left it last night, so I have no idea what’s broken and what’s not.
My stuff is also in there but I’m avoiding that room for now….I packed my duffel a few weeks ago, and was ready to leave then, but I didn’t….I should have listened to myself, but I thought if he stopped drinking he’d get better.
I thought I smelled alcohol on his breath last night but I can’t be 100% positive.
This is a total disaster, but hey….at least if I can raise the money I can see my momma for Christmas….
I’ve been asking my friends on Facebook to help me, the cheapest flight right now is on the tenth, and it costs about $1078.00
After the tenth the cost goes up and over $1200.
I don’t feel safe here at all, but I need the internet access, and I don’t have money to go anywhere else.
Once again, if you feel like you can help, now more than ever I really need help.
Every dollar counts, and I would seriously appreciate it.
For the Lady who wanted the picture of the rose for donating, I’ll have to draw/paint/photo-print one for you myself.
I’m not as talented as he is, I’m sorry….but I will do my darn best for you.
Donations can be made here:
Or you can interac transfer me an immediate donation at my email address:
Just let me know what the question and answer is for the security stuff.
I hope I can get home soon. I miss my mom and I don’t like feeling so fucking unsafe.
Anyone dealing with abuse:
It’s not worth it.
And you NEVER deserve to get hit.
I don’t care if you’re the biggest asshole on earth, you don’t deserve to be hit or choked or belittled.
On the plus side, my last two relationships have taught me that I sure can take a fucking punch in the face….when I get back to Canada, I’m probably going to join MMA.
Ciao for now.
New kitty alerrrt.
The other night, I heard a weird noise, so I investigated….
I took a lawn chair, put it up against the wall surrounding our house, rolled up one of the big bamboo mats, and made an incline on the other side, and coaxed this little bugger from the bushes.
S/he had a little black ribbon around its neck, so we have to go knocking on doors to see if anyone lost it, but for now, we de-flea-ed it, and are feeding and caring for it.
That brings us to a grand total of eleven cats.
We must be insane. haha
It’s getting a bit on the expensive side, but I can’t just let the poor kitties die.
Today was supposed to be beach resort day, but unfortunately, Donna found out she has breast cancer.
She had a biopsy done on a tumor, and now she has to wait to find out if it has spread anywhere else, but it looks like she’s going to need a mastectomy.
She doesn’t seem too badly shaken up by the news, but I don’t know how much she’s holding in either…she’s kinda good at that.
I feel terrible about it, and now more than ever I want to be able to do something to help support the household…Lord knows how much all the surgeries and medicines are going to cost.
Thank God, however, that we aren’t in Canada….it would have taken her months and months to get the xrays and CT scans and biopsies, and would have cost her thousands and thousands instead of just hundreds.
I finally got tape to build a mannequin, so I’ll be doing that, then getting back to sewing and designing clothes.
Then, I have to figure out how to sell my wares….I’ve looked at a few websites, but they all charge fees, so I think I’m just going to start a Facebook page and sell through there.
I posted a resume-type ad on craigslist Manila for online jobs, so hopefully something comes my way soon.
Just a quick update, not much going on besides that.
As always, my Deviantart prints are for sale here:
Prints for Sale
And you can donate to me to help keep this blog & our house running by going here:
Thanks to Everyone who reads.