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SORRY!!!

Sorry for the delay, I have been really busy doing the hustlegame.

I quit the resort job. It was getting to be waaay too much drama and way too much tension and my mental health took a dip in the deep end again…I ended up dissociating badly one day and I cut myself again.
Not proud of it.

So I left, and I live in Bais with Doming.
It’s a really nice, small neighborhood, about 10 minutes from the town centre.
I have an online freelancing job as a social media manager, building websites, doing graphic design and flyers/brochures/promo materials/logos, etc for businesses and also doing a bit of photography, even though I don’t have good equipment anymore.

Its a lot less money…about five bucks a day, but it’s enough for now.
I’m worried about my visa renewal, but…..that’s not something I have control over.

I rescued a stray cat named Scallywag, and she’s doing really good. A bit on the bitey side however.
I also tried to rescue a two week old kitten named Scooter….his mother had a litter in my yard and moved every one except him. I tried to feed him milk powder formula, but one day he went from perfectly fine to skeleton and he died in my hands.
I gave him a viking funeral so the ants wouldn’t eat him.
It was really traumatic, but I did my best.

About a month ago I went up the mountain to visit my friends, two of the construction worker guys at the resort live up there….and I got these wicked awesome photos!
Enjoy!

I will try my hardest to update more often!!!

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Posted by on March 13, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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A Good PR Story is Infinitely More Effective Than a Front Page Ad

Slowly but surely saving up bit by bit for the bistro…..I really don’t have much right now but like I said previous…it’s better than nuthin!

Also, I forgot to say that the other picture I included of the bamboo thing with a face is our piggy bank lol

Doming accidentally called it our ‘pork bank’ because he couldn’t remember ‘piggy bank’ so now we joke all the time that it’s our pork barrel fund.

Yesterday was fiesta for macaboo…er…makabu or however it’s spelled…..so we went to a million people’s houses and ate a trillion lechons and meatballs and ribs and drank five zillion gallons of coke and sprite….I was dying by the end of the day lol
Unfortunately no pictures, booo….god damn the ex for stealing my camera.
Literally EVERYONE was staring at me everywhere I went, it was sooo awkward, and as an anxiety-ridden basketcase, it makes socializing here sooo hard, because obviously, there ain’t no hiding my pasty pale white skin….and everyone always looks and wants to talk and so I’m learning my best to not have panic attacks and stuff when strangers talk to me and stare….

aaanywhoozy, I figured I would post here because there’s quite a few of you that read my bloggity….if you could, can you please vote for me to win a full PR campaign for the bistro?
And also maybe share with your friends?

A lot of people have been having issues finding where to vote, so here’s a picture:

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Andhere is the links for everything you need to know about the bistro!

Vote Here for the PR Campaign Contest
Here is the Facebook Page
Here is my Indiegogo Campaign for Donating

YAY! Thanks to everyone who reads my blog, I really appreciate the eyes and I hope someday it’s much more exciting of a read 😉

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Mankind Was My Business!

I’m just going to leave this right here!

Indiegogo for the Bistro

Been saving as much as I can each week, and so far for the business, I have 3,800 Php saved!
That’s really not a whole lot, but it’s way better than nothing!
We also checked into the paperwork….LOTS of papers to get and clearances to get and permits and blah blah…..then my working visa, then finding a place to rent…..(We’ve got our eyes on four different spots already though…..)

I took a few shots of the barbecue down the street that we go to for supper….there’s an adorable white dog that always sits patiently for me to share with him:

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If he was cleaned up, he’d be a GREAT dog….he’s smart as a whip.
Speaking of adorable dogs……there was a baby pup we found in behind one of the houses here at the resort.
Like a stupid frigging moron, I hung out with it all day, gave it food, and it stuck to me like velcro, nuzzled into my neck and fell asleep for the whole day on my chest….I gave it a bath and everything…..

But then the boss got back and even after saying I’d be responsible entirely for its care, nope, get rid of it.
Unfortunately, it’s because there’s already two dogs here, and they have been TERRIBLY trained….they still jump and nip at people and don’t listen to anything at all.

I know how to train a dog properly, especially a pup…so that would have been no issue.
But I ain’t the boss.

So I had to send the dog away, it broke my goddamn heart and I’m still upset about it, but what can I do?

I just have to wait to get my own place…then I can rescue a poor puppo and work on spaying and neutering other strays.

Not much new going on….I never really get out anywhere lol
Oh well!
Check out my indie gogo campaign and maybe think of helping out?

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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The Best Way to Predict Your Future is To Create It

Oh yeah, forgot to add this yesterday…..if you can share the page, that would be FABULOUS of you…..if you can help even more with a donation, I’d be forever grateful, and there’s even rewards!

https://www.facebook.com/gruntshufflesigh

http://www.gofundme.com/ecrbs0

I also have a draft business plan written, as well as a sample menu & business card.
Here’s a preview:

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An excerpt from the business plan:

My business idea for Bistro / Bakery ‘Grunt, Shuffle & Sigh’ is simply good food, at affordable prices, in an atmosphere that feels like home & makes you want to come back again and again.

I’ve been inspired by cooking my whole life…from watching & helping my Grandmother bake and cook for our family, to my very first job with a German chef, to my long career in kitchens, working with some of the best names in Canada, and being taught new ways to experience food, flavor, and cooking as an art form rather than just another job.
I am passionate, dedicated to my work, creative and able to take on a wide array of challenges with ease.

In a restaurant or food establishment, these are important factors, as you never know what’s going to happen…
One day can be perfectly normal, then the next day, your supplier is late, you have a rush of customers you’re unprepared for, the sound system isn’t working and someone doesn’t show up for work! For me, that kind of challenge is fun, and I live to solve difficult problems! I have also been working in the restaurant industry for more than 11 years, so I have seen my fair share, and have learned how to deal with most major problems.


The concept for our restaurant came after trying to find a simple, comfortable space to eat, while also retaining a feeling of ‘eating local’…a lot of new restaurants around Negros Oriental are very modern, and try to cater to foreign guests. This isn’t a problem, but we would like to have a place that serves high-quality Filipino food that is affordable to local citizens as well as foreigners, and an atmosphere that is comfortable for everyone.

Also, we have seen our menu items in other restaurants before, but with my 11+ years of experience in kitchens, I can confidently say we will offer a sensory experience like no other in all of Negros.

We are simple people, so our ambitions for the business remain simple as well.
Eventually, becoming involved in charity work will be a consideration, as it is highly important to give back to our community. If we do decide to expand, our choice locations are in Cebu, near Lapu-Lapu, as well as Bais, and Zamboanguita. This is due to family ties in each of these places, as well as an eye for future numbers as far as customer potential is concerned.

Please, please, please, please share!
I would love to finally be in charge of my own business, and it would be a breath of relief to be anchored to something….after 28 years of being a drifting pile of skin and bones, it’d be nice to finally own a teensy island in this raging sea of life.

 
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Posted by on September 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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To Become Presence, Means Accepting the Risk of Absence

Sorry folks, for the absence, been busy and flooded with more than enough stuff…..couldn’t find the time to write, though I know I should.

The resort stuff is going well, though there have been a few bumps and now, of course it’s a bit rickety….when is my life not bumpy? But God knows I love a wild ride in this life, and that smooth sailing never a true sailor made.
Basically just stupid issues, the Bossman & Bosslady are quite fond of micromanaging the resort…….that’s perfectly fine…it’s their business, do what you want.

But if you bring me on to the team to do all the office stuff and bring your customer counts up and make the resort the success I know it can be…..let me do my job, and trust that I know what I’m doing, please!!!
Signing off on every single decision is frustrating, and slows everything down to a crawl.
Although, again, I have to say I understand that it’s the Philippines and nothing gets done until its basically too late…….but if that’s the case, don’t ream me out for something I tried to get done last week.

Ugh. anyway, enough bitching for now haha
Doming took me to Bais for a tiny taste of fiesta on the 9th! Met a trillion new people (it’s hard to believe everyone is truly related to each other!!) drank some Red Horse, and chatted to a few of the folks, including a 74 year old guy who was making the LEchon spits….he was talking about everything from being a freediving scuba guy (showed me his giant harpoon gun ahaha) to his buddies, who went to the mideast for work and got killed in the shelling (lord knows when) to jim beam, paul malls and marlboro, and the good ol days when you could buy three beers for a peso.

He was absolutely fantastic to speak to, and he had this strange old-world british-ish accent that you see from old movies where the bearded professor is sipping a brandy and smoking his pipe, ranting about philosophy and his war days.

Then, after everything settled, me, Doming and his cousin all killed a pig….that was pretty insane, but Doming cut quick and accurately and there wasn’t much suffering at all.
Then we shaved it, gutted it, and the next day we ate it! We took some back home and I had ribs and lumpia for lunch….yuuhhmmm…..so much better than just having noodles for lunch.

Don’t know if I mentioned, it’s been a while, but my meals are no longer included because someone complained about it. 
Now that I don’t have access to the kitchen, or a fridge, I’m spending about p2000 per month on food for myself.
THAT’S INSANITY…..since before, in Valencia, I was spending about p2000 per MONTH for three people’s worth of food.

But oh well.
I’m looking into opening a bistro/bakery here…..it’ll be expensive for the initial costs….but I’m asking for donations from my mom to help me instead of a Christmas & Birthday present….won’t be much, but it’ll be enough to put away until I do have enough.

I have the sample menu and a sample business card printed, and I’m writing the business plan today!
So that’s what’s been going on. 
I didn’t have a camera in Bais, so no pictures of that, but here are some recent shots of the resort and stuff:

 

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Tree that was hit by lightning.

Tree that was hit by lightning.

Cow got hit my lightning and exploded into pooh!

Cow got hit by lightning and exploded into pooh!

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Posted by on September 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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She Wanted To Talk Like She Was Born Here – Like She Never Came From Anywhere Else

Well oh wello!

So much on my mind, dunno where to begin.
It’s kinda terrible that I update the resort’s blog every day but then don’t update my own personal one much….I guess it’s a bit more easy to bang out professionally-written blogs for a targeted audience than to solemnly spill my guts to strangers….ironically…

I’ve been really having fun here…it’s been an amazing fit, and I’m still amazed I actually get paid to do SEO and social media marketing for a freakin’ beach resort.

Obviously it’s more than that, I do the office work, file papers, do the payroll, make sure things are running smoothly and properly….but a very large chunk of my work is internet-based….and anyone who knows me knows I’m bloody amazing at internet marketing.

Anywhoo…another awesome part is my coworkers, I love everyone like family…I get teased a lot for being white and ‘oh so beautiful’ and skinny and this and that but I don’t mind.

Most of the workers also live on-site, except for on holidays and stuff because a lot of them live far away.
We all eat dinner together in the worker’s kitchen and its usually Dried Fish, Tocino, Malunggay soup or Tinola, Rice, and water…we sit and chat about the day or whatever, though I don’t really understand much at all since it’s mostly in Cebuano, but every once in a while someone will translate for me….usually JaiJai, my new ‘sister’….but sometimes Ramel, our bartender dude….who can make a margarita that even Jesus himself would kill someone for.

The ‘Chef of the workers’ is named Doming and hot damn that guy can cook a mean soup! haha

In the mornings I usually get an omelet or chicken fingers and a salad, and Rod, our Resort chef usually cooks it and oh my freaking god the omelets are delicious.
So safe to say, the eatin’s good here.

Sometimes we all go out to the market area to eat instead, and we get rice, barbecue, tocino, lumpia and stuff…I finally tried longganisa, which is a kind of chorizo sausage thats SO SUPER TASTY!!!
Damon told me it was gross, so I was always nervous about it, but pffsshht, its super good.

The pink hot dogs too, they taste just like regular old hot dogs as far as I can tell…though when I first got here I remember trying one that was sweet and icky…..but the ones at the market are pretty typical tasting…maybe my tastebuds just forget what western food tastes like at this point.

I still for the life of me can’t figure out why some of these meats are pink though….I must solve this mystery sometime.
So far I’ve tried Pandesal, which I love…Adobo, which is obviously amazing, BBQ, which I’m addicted to, Bam-E, pictured below, Banana Heart made into some kinda slaw stuff which was interesting but strange, Tinola with pechay, onion, sayote, chilies, okra, etc….monggo soup which surprised me because monggos are beans…first bean I actually like….salads with daikon radish, ampalaya which was both icky and delicious….it’s very bitter, but the coating stuff on it is awesome…..Puso, which is just plain ‘ol rice, Siomai which is oh-so-frigging-good, but is technically a Chinese food….

Aaaaaand I actually kinda tried Balut…..I cracked open the egg, sipped the juice, ate a few wet feathers…..and everything was fine until I cracked open the entire egg and saw the baby chicken…….I tried some of the yolk, which tasted pretty much just like a boiled egg….but I couldn’t steel my nerves enough to bite into the baby.

I like going to market for supper….everyone picks what they want from the food stall/table, sits down at a table off to the side, cleans their fingers with a bucket of water, then plates of rice are brought to the table on pink plates wrapped in plastic bags…I assume for easier clean-up…pretty damn smart if you ask me….then the little bowls of calamansi and chilies and soy sauce show up…..then you wait for the delicious, juicy meeeaaatzzz….

We all sit and talk and goof off, joke around and it’s really laid back and fun.
The best part about filipino food in my humble little opinion is eating with your fingers!!!
Everyone eats with the fingers, and it’s not considered rude or gross….weirdly enough though, what is considered icky is licking your fingers afterwards….I keep trying to catch myself and stop doing it, but its hard….the food is so good I want every little taste.

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Bam-E….so freaking tasty.

After supper, literally every freakin’ night everyone drinks either Red Horse, Tequila or the evil, disgusting Tanduay.
I never drink the Tanduay…the smell still makes me absolutely want to throw up due to my experiences in Valencia….
But sometimes I have a few glasses of beer or tequila.

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Lately though, I’ve had a constant sore throat and I think I’m running a bit of a fever, so I haven’t been drinking or smoking so I can rebuild my system.

It could be caused by a few things…The treehouse I’m living in has birds in the roof and cats in the floorboards….so all the dust and …gross poo & fur residues….may be irritating my immune system….but I’m not allergic to anything, so I don’t know why it would bother me to the point of sickness….

It could also be the fact that I’m working 11-12 hours a day and in three weeks have had zero days off….even though it’s simple office work and tours and stuff….it’s still work, and my brain never shuts off or has time to fully rest.
I don’t think that’s the issue though, because I function at my peak when I’m overbusy and frantically panicky…hahah

It could also just be the change in the environment and the weather….it’s been hotter, and this area is right beside the ocean, while Valencia was up in the mountains.

Whatever I guess.

I still miss having Damon in my life…he’s an amazingly creative, interesting, smart person at his best, but honestly….life is better when I’m not being called a bunch of terrible names and being made to feel worthless and unbearably stressed out every day….Just after I got here, I was talking to him and he told me he had a heart attack and he was going to kill himself and stuff….that made the stress and the panic and the sense of irrational responsibility and guilt come pounding back into my chest and I felt sick because I know I can’t trust what he says…who knows if it’s the truth?

Here I feel productive, happy and confident in my worth….I feel part of a whole here…it’s not exactly the best-greased machine on the block, but the resort is only three months old…you can’t expect everything to be going perfectly so early on in the game….we’re all learning together, and that’s a really awesome feeling.

And even if he was killing himself, what the fuck am I going to do about it from all the way over here?? ((Excuse mon francais))
He expects me to drop everything and run to him with no money & no transportation with no guarantees that things are ok or sane or honest….exactly what got me to the Philippines in the fucking first place…..

A Pure, Reckless Loving & Careless, Devoted Trust in something that turned out to be a well-financed stage play for a fool.
Ugh, When I think about it, I hate myself and I hate the fact that I was lied to.

But It got me here, and now I’m ok…..I’m always ok, really….
I’m a fighter, a True Warrior…a Wallace, a survivor….and I can spin gold from pig shit.
Well.
Until Next Time.

Come visit the Resort’s Bloggity!
I have like…no followers on it, even though quite a few read it…I would really appreciate some follows over there!!

www.whitechocolatehillsresort.wordpress.com

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Oh, P.S….I also have been researching tattoo culture in the Philippines, and found out that they used to tattoo warriors with Orange or Calamansi thorns.

So what did I do?

Found a thorn and gave myself a new tattoo, of course!

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40 is the numerical representation of Enki/Ea, and also is representative of Capricorn.
In numerology, four is ruled by Saturn, which is my ruling planet, and of course, zero is one of the most powerful connections to the Otherside.

 
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Posted by on April 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Live To The Point Of Tears

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Gosh, what a month, what a month.
The above picture is from my FAVORITE comic/graphic quote-book-thing, ‘A Softer World’
Always cheeky, poignant, and reassuring…they used to be in The Coast, which is a free newspaper in Halifax, NS, and I used to cut them out every week. I still have them all tucked away in a box at my moms somewhere.
I found out later you could buy a full-color book version at Strange Adventures comic shoppe, but I found the process of cutting them out and sticking them into an envelope kinda kitsch and wonderful, so.
Yep.

Anywhoo, I guess I have a lot to update you on, so here we go.
I wrote down stuff as it happened to better remember, but it’ll be a bit spotty, my memory has never been great.

On God-knows-what day in Jan, Damon had been drunk for weeks, and I decided enough was enough for me.
I took a Jeepney downtown to Lee Plaza, got a bit of cash out, picked up smokes, and went to Coco Amigos.

I sat there chain smoking and crying, had every intention of sleeping outside, but it was raining and I had forgotten my umbrella. I was half-hoping Damon would show up and take me home but he didn’t. After a while, I was really tired and I just wanted to go home, so I got the last Jeepney back to Valencia and walked back to the house, and slept on the porch.

On the seventh of February, I again packed up and got ray to drive me to Coco’s. I had no money this time, and so I went over to the boardwalk across the street and sat there, smoking.
After a while, I curled up and tried to rest, but kids kept bothering me asking for money and stuff….that’s kinda an annoying part of downtown…..all the kids beg, and I’ve been told that the women sometimes lend their kids out to other homeless/beggar-people so they can have a better haul for the day…..people pity people with kids all around the world, I guess….and they cash in on that fact here.

Anyways, A man and a heavily makeupped Lady stopped eventually and started asking all kinds of questions…I told them my story, told them my visa had been expired since January, etc, and they told me I should go to the Mayor for help in the morning.
After they left, two guys stopped and asked to take my picture.
I was immediately creeped out, wondering why they wanted MY picture, and one guy said he was from Manila for the weekend and so he wanted a picture….My antennas were wiggling furiously, but let them take one..

After they left, the group of kids that had been hanging around told me to call the police because I was going to get taken.
I asked them if they meant kidnapped, and they said yes……so I didn’t know if they knew much English, and I don’t know if that’s what they really meant, but I went to Coco Amigos, and got them to call the police.

They eventually got there, and I told them I was pretty much homeless and my visa was expired….everyone was super nice, and they let me smoke….They took me to the copshop, let me use the computer, gave me hot chocolate….I answered questions and gave all my info and stuff….and then we basically just talked about our two countries, Canada and the Philippines, talked about jobs, food, education, etc until I got tired.

I slept in a bench in a back office, and the next morning it was kinda super rainy.
The day started a bit hectic, they were trying to figure out what to do with me.

We went to see a social worker in Valencia, who gave me P200 for food, but said there was pretty much nothing she could do for me because I had no money or tickets to get home to Canada, and they had no money either.

We went to the Immigration office, and they said I had to update my visa and obtain an exit clearance just to leave, and that they couldn’t help either. I asked about deportation, but since I hadn’t done anything wrong, they said it’d be impossible, and that it takes months anyway.

One of the Female officers bought me lunch at a little cafe and we had a bit of a chat, she told me she’s dating a female judge in Ontario, she showed me pictures, and talked about Canadian money, I pointed out that the toonie and the ten peso looks similar to each other and stuff, it was a really nice break from the stress of the past few days.

After a few hours of head scratching, I was taken to la Casa Esperanza, which is a crisis center for women and children in Dumaguete city. I was told I would be able to stay until Monday, this day being Saturday.

I was shown around, read the rules, and shown to my room, which I shared with a woman and her baby, and a little girl.
It wasn’t really all that different from being at Adsum House, which is a shelter for women in Halifax that I have lived at quite a few times in the past.

My stay was fine, all the girls tried to teach me Tagalog, and I managed to remember a few….I now know shark, water, plate, dog, cat, eyes, and bat…and I have a list of other stuff that I’ve yet to memorize.
I had to beg for coffee and to be able to smoke cigarettes outside out of sight, which had me a bit stressed out for a few days, but I got through it.

On Monday, I heard nothing, then on Wednesday I got really homesick, so I asked them if I could go back to the house and see if things were any better, to try to make peace and stuff.
Two officers and a counselor took me back to the house, and right away I could tell Damon hadn’t even stopped drinking at all.
I spent two days at the house before I figured everything was royally effed, and so I went to the Valencia police station, and told them I wanted to contact the Canadian Embassy about going home.

They cleaned up a little nippa hut on the property and told me I could sleep in it while we got everything straightened out.

It was awesome watching how fast they cleaned and fixed the hut, it was a wreck before I got there, and a team of about six or seven guys zipped around and put a tarp on the roof and all that.
So I lived there for about a week and a half, then Damon sent me a stupid message on Facebook saying my Lush package had arrived….I paid a lot of money for it and so I went back to the house to get it.

Stupid fucking idea.
Damon was sitting in my pajama pants, all contrite and resolved and told me he had stopped drinking and he didn’t want to drink anymore and it was too inconvenient and blah blah blah blah blah, long story short, I decided to give him yet another goddamned chance, and he lasted a week.
As SOON as his mother left for her job, he picked up a bottle and started in on me yet again.

I’m now back living in the hut at the police station, trying to get the Canadian embassy to help me, and being very hungry and frustrated and tired and depressed and suicidal and pretty much the lowest I can currently be.

Donations would sincerely be appreciated at this point.

The Bloody End for now.

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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