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SORRY!!!

Sorry for the delay, I have been really busy doing the hustlegame.

I quit the resort job. It was getting to be waaay too much drama and way too much tension and my mental health took a dip in the deep end again…I ended up dissociating badly one day and I cut myself again.
Not proud of it.

So I left, and I live in Bais with Doming.
It’s a really nice, small neighborhood, about 10 minutes from the town centre.
I have an online freelancing job as a social media manager, building websites, doing graphic design and flyers/brochures/promo materials/logos, etc for businesses and also doing a bit of photography, even though I don’t have good equipment anymore.

Its a lot less money…about five bucks a day, but it’s enough for now.
I’m worried about my visa renewal, but…..that’s not something I have control over.

I rescued a stray cat named Scallywag, and she’s doing really good. A bit on the bitey side however.
I also tried to rescue a two week old kitten named Scooter….his mother had a litter in my yard and moved every one except him. I tried to feed him milk powder formula, but one day he went from perfectly fine to skeleton and he died in my hands.
I gave him a viking funeral so the ants wouldn’t eat him.
It was really traumatic, but I did my best.

About a month ago I went up the mountain to visit my friends, two of the construction worker guys at the resort live up there….and I got these wicked awesome photos!
Enjoy!

I will try my hardest to update more often!!!

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Posted by on March 13, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Those Who Deny Reason Cannot Be Conquered By It

Well, here we go, almost time to go ‘On The Road Again…’ as the song goes!

Unfortunately, many of the workers here are moving on, since they are being treated in ways that they think is unfair.
I know, two sides (sometimes five!) to every story, but for the majority of the speaking, it is a negative picture being painted.
Without revealing too much, the owners are showing obvious, blatant, and regular signs of worker abuse, and after years of putting up with it, most of the workers are finished just laying down and taking it.

Thusly, I will not stick around for much longer.
I appreciate the opportunity to learn so much in such a short amount of time, and I appreciate what little has been given to me.
But I did not come to the Philippines to be criticized, ridiculed, and made to feel useless and incompetent.
I’m pretty sure I said the exact same things when I was leaving my ex, did I not? lol

Happily, I have been saving money for the Bistro….so I have a little bit of money to draw upon if need be for visas, until I can find suitable freelance work, or until I can get the food place up and running……I won’t give up on that idea, it’s been a dream of mine for many years to start my own Food Spot, and with over 11 years experience working in Kitchens, I know I can do it.

I think, in the last ten minutes, I have also scored a freelancing gig putting together and maintaining a website for a new ‘Zine here in the Philippines…….
Wut Wuuuut.
But in order to work it, I will need a bloody internet frigging connection if I leave to go live in Bais.
I will either have to work at an internet cafe or stay here for a bit longer….which even the idea of sickens me……
The last few weeks have been rough and I’ve been thinking of going back to self harm as a goddamn coping mechanism.
EWWWWW, gross Idea, Jessica!

Anywhoo, just wanted to update y’all 12 people who read this 😉
By the way, thanks for continuing to read this.

Also by the way….anyone else notice prices went up a bit on stuff at your local sari-saris?
Beer went up five pesos, and pancit noodles went up three pesos!
BOOOOO!!!!

 
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Posted by on October 29, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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A Good PR Story is Infinitely More Effective Than a Front Page Ad

Slowly but surely saving up bit by bit for the bistro…..I really don’t have much right now but like I said previous…it’s better than nuthin!

Also, I forgot to say that the other picture I included of the bamboo thing with a face is our piggy bank lol

Doming accidentally called it our ‘pork bank’ because he couldn’t remember ‘piggy bank’ so now we joke all the time that it’s our pork barrel fund.

Yesterday was fiesta for macaboo…er…makabu or however it’s spelled…..so we went to a million people’s houses and ate a trillion lechons and meatballs and ribs and drank five zillion gallons of coke and sprite….I was dying by the end of the day lol
Unfortunately no pictures, booo….god damn the ex for stealing my camera.
Literally EVERYONE was staring at me everywhere I went, it was sooo awkward, and as an anxiety-ridden basketcase, it makes socializing here sooo hard, because obviously, there ain’t no hiding my pasty pale white skin….and everyone always looks and wants to talk and so I’m learning my best to not have panic attacks and stuff when strangers talk to me and stare….

aaanywhoozy, I figured I would post here because there’s quite a few of you that read my bloggity….if you could, can you please vote for me to win a full PR campaign for the bistro?
And also maybe share with your friends?

A lot of people have been having issues finding where to vote, so here’s a picture:

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Andhere is the links for everything you need to know about the bistro!

Vote Here for the PR Campaign Contest
Here is the Facebook Page
Here is my Indiegogo Campaign for Donating

YAY! Thanks to everyone who reads my blog, I really appreciate the eyes and I hope someday it’s much more exciting of a read 😉

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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Mankind Was My Business!

I’m just going to leave this right here!

Indiegogo for the Bistro

Been saving as much as I can each week, and so far for the business, I have 3,800 Php saved!
That’s really not a whole lot, but it’s way better than nothing!
We also checked into the paperwork….LOTS of papers to get and clearances to get and permits and blah blah…..then my working visa, then finding a place to rent…..(We’ve got our eyes on four different spots already though…..)

I took a few shots of the barbecue down the street that we go to for supper….there’s an adorable white dog that always sits patiently for me to share with him:

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If he was cleaned up, he’d be a GREAT dog….he’s smart as a whip.
Speaking of adorable dogs……there was a baby pup we found in behind one of the houses here at the resort.
Like a stupid frigging moron, I hung out with it all day, gave it food, and it stuck to me like velcro, nuzzled into my neck and fell asleep for the whole day on my chest….I gave it a bath and everything…..

But then the boss got back and even after saying I’d be responsible entirely for its care, nope, get rid of it.
Unfortunately, it’s because there’s already two dogs here, and they have been TERRIBLY trained….they still jump and nip at people and don’t listen to anything at all.

I know how to train a dog properly, especially a pup…so that would have been no issue.
But I ain’t the boss.

So I had to send the dog away, it broke my goddamn heart and I’m still upset about it, but what can I do?

I just have to wait to get my own place…then I can rescue a poor puppo and work on spaying and neutering other strays.

Not much new going on….I never really get out anywhere lol
Oh well!
Check out my indie gogo campaign and maybe think of helping out?

 
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Posted by on October 7, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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To Become Presence, Means Accepting the Risk of Absence

Sorry folks, for the absence, been busy and flooded with more than enough stuff…..couldn’t find the time to write, though I know I should.

The resort stuff is going well, though there have been a few bumps and now, of course it’s a bit rickety….when is my life not bumpy? But God knows I love a wild ride in this life, and that smooth sailing never a true sailor made.
Basically just stupid issues, the Bossman & Bosslady are quite fond of micromanaging the resort…….that’s perfectly fine…it’s their business, do what you want.

But if you bring me on to the team to do all the office stuff and bring your customer counts up and make the resort the success I know it can be…..let me do my job, and trust that I know what I’m doing, please!!!
Signing off on every single decision is frustrating, and slows everything down to a crawl.
Although, again, I have to say I understand that it’s the Philippines and nothing gets done until its basically too late…….but if that’s the case, don’t ream me out for something I tried to get done last week.

Ugh. anyway, enough bitching for now haha
Doming took me to Bais for a tiny taste of fiesta on the 9th! Met a trillion new people (it’s hard to believe everyone is truly related to each other!!) drank some Red Horse, and chatted to a few of the folks, including a 74 year old guy who was making the LEchon spits….he was talking about everything from being a freediving scuba guy (showed me his giant harpoon gun ahaha) to his buddies, who went to the mideast for work and got killed in the shelling (lord knows when) to jim beam, paul malls and marlboro, and the good ol days when you could buy three beers for a peso.

He was absolutely fantastic to speak to, and he had this strange old-world british-ish accent that you see from old movies where the bearded professor is sipping a brandy and smoking his pipe, ranting about philosophy and his war days.

Then, after everything settled, me, Doming and his cousin all killed a pig….that was pretty insane, but Doming cut quick and accurately and there wasn’t much suffering at all.
Then we shaved it, gutted it, and the next day we ate it! We took some back home and I had ribs and lumpia for lunch….yuuhhmmm…..so much better than just having noodles for lunch.

Don’t know if I mentioned, it’s been a while, but my meals are no longer included because someone complained about it. 
Now that I don’t have access to the kitchen, or a fridge, I’m spending about p2000 per month on food for myself.
THAT’S INSANITY…..since before, in Valencia, I was spending about p2000 per MONTH for three people’s worth of food.

But oh well.
I’m looking into opening a bistro/bakery here…..it’ll be expensive for the initial costs….but I’m asking for donations from my mom to help me instead of a Christmas & Birthday present….won’t be much, but it’ll be enough to put away until I do have enough.

I have the sample menu and a sample business card printed, and I’m writing the business plan today!
So that’s what’s been going on. 
I didn’t have a camera in Bais, so no pictures of that, but here are some recent shots of the resort and stuff:

 

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Tree that was hit by lightning.

Tree that was hit by lightning.

Cow got hit my lightning and exploded into pooh!

Cow got hit by lightning and exploded into pooh!

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Posted by on September 11, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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The Wise Warrior Avoids The Battle

I know not many of my readers are business types, but I feel like having a business-based rant today.

I’m in charge of marketing, SEO, social media management, online presence, etc for the Resort….and I’ve noticed a few things in these fields. 

From a business owner / CEO perspective, they all seem to think that the ‘Millenial’ way of doing business is unsustainable, childish, unrealistic, lax, unproductive, foolish, and risky.

They don’t see the point, nor even the benefits of actually communicating one-on-one with their potential ‘consumers’ on social media.

When they DO try to ‘do the twitter’ or join ‘the facebook’, they make such shitty, stupid rookie mistakes that everyone on the internet laughs at them, they get embarrassed, and then they usually say or do something that ends up with their company getting a huge pariah scar.
Then they blame everyone but themselves for the fact that they’re old, outdated, irrelevant, not funny or witty, and dying off.

I’ve read countless articles in the last few weeks that say Gen Y is lazy, unfocused, lacking valuable skills, and that we don’t know how to hunker down and do actual work.
The older folks berate us for listening to music while we work, or using unconventional office stuff like exercise balls instead of swivel chairs.
They say memes are passing fads. 
That our generation is doomed to failure and destitution because we refuse to stay at a shitty job if we hate it.
That we’re going to be in for a huge eye-opening punch in the face when we join the ‘real world’.

Well, Old folks, let me tell you a huge secret:
We’re listening to everything you’re saying about us.
And, as the adage goes….better be nice, because we’ve got control over what rest home you end up in.

What I mean is, we know how you’ve done business for the last god-knows-how-many years, pretty successfully, and you’ve made a comfortable living doing it.
We know you’ve got the keys to success in business, and we know that you’re pretty much grooming us to take over and be just like you.
We know you want to continue the ‘For-Profit’ shit.

But you know what? We don’t.

We’re used to being REALLY fucking uncomfortable.
We’re used to being in highly uncertain situations with no way out but to just start digging.
We’re creative, and we love to utilize new solutions, even if they’re made of bubblegum and toothpicks…..ESPECIALLY if they’re made of bubblegum and toothpicks, actually…and glitter.
We love new stuff,  but even more than that, we love new stuff that was made by our friends.
We love making friends, we love hanging out with those friends, we love helping our friends, and we think everyone is a potential friend.
We’re out to be comfortable and afford to eat and sleep in a safe, warm place.
We’re not out to be millionaires, because we realize we can’t make a decent meal out of paper and metal…..what we do realize however, is that if we learn to fish & forage…we can make a meal for a whole community.

Thus, our generation is a skills-based economic model, with a giant focus on collaborative community participation.
We don’t want your damn paper and metal money anymore. 
We realize you are sick, and you need to be cured.
If you refuse treatment, we will cut you off and out of our society.
If you try to harm us, we will not retaliate in conventional ways.
We are better than hair-pulling and rock throwing.
We’ll shine a bright light on you and your behavior and we will refuse to speak to you further.
We will shame you into self-punishment.

Sorry, but we rule the playgrounds now.
We are the fastest growing population on earth, and we’re all pretty fucking independent, intelligent, and we have a thirst for knowledge like the desert thirsts for rain.
We want our businesses to grow, prosper, but also remember their communities and customers. 
We don’t want your leash-like ties and your uncomfortable, media-okayed uniform of suits, briefcases, and shiny black shoes….we’re much more comfortable in clothing that allows our bodies the space and freedom to breathe.

(Not saying we don’t like to dress up, because we do, but we also realize it’s just a fun costume, it shouldn’t be your go-to definition for how you conduct yourself socially.)

We want the freedom to work, but also the freedom to have some fun….because we all realize none of us gets out of here alive.
Being alive should be fun! 
Businesses and companies should serve a larger purpose beyond trying to make a cult following in order to make a few more bucks to hoard away in some far-off bank account.

If you, as a business owner do not give a shit about us, we will not give a shit about you. 
And you want us to give a shit about you, because you need our money.
We’d rather give our money to our friends and family, because we know them.
We have intimate connections with them. We smile with them. Laugh with them. Cry with them. Our lives are intertwined.

That’s what you miss out on when you reject us.
In rejecting us, our business, our employment, and our generation….you are rejecting your community, your potential family, and your potential friends.

Remember when your parents told you:
‘I am your parent, I am not your best buddy!’

They fucked up….they should have been our best buddy, because our buddies know every little thing about us.

If you want to stick to the authoritarian, autocratic, boring, old-world, highbrow way of thinking and doing, by all means go ahead, but don’t expect us to live under your roof anymore….we’d rather be homeless and living on the street than put up with your pretentious shit.

 
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Posted by on July 10, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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She Wanted To Talk Like She Was Born Here – Like She Never Came From Anywhere Else

Well oh wello!

So much on my mind, dunno where to begin.
It’s kinda terrible that I update the resort’s blog every day but then don’t update my own personal one much….I guess it’s a bit more easy to bang out professionally-written blogs for a targeted audience than to solemnly spill my guts to strangers….ironically…

I’ve been really having fun here…it’s been an amazing fit, and I’m still amazed I actually get paid to do SEO and social media marketing for a freakin’ beach resort.

Obviously it’s more than that, I do the office work, file papers, do the payroll, make sure things are running smoothly and properly….but a very large chunk of my work is internet-based….and anyone who knows me knows I’m bloody amazing at internet marketing.

Anywhoo…another awesome part is my coworkers, I love everyone like family…I get teased a lot for being white and ‘oh so beautiful’ and skinny and this and that but I don’t mind.

Most of the workers also live on-site, except for on holidays and stuff because a lot of them live far away.
We all eat dinner together in the worker’s kitchen and its usually Dried Fish, Tocino, Malunggay soup or Tinola, Rice, and water…we sit and chat about the day or whatever, though I don’t really understand much at all since it’s mostly in Cebuano, but every once in a while someone will translate for me….usually JaiJai, my new ‘sister’….but sometimes Ramel, our bartender dude….who can make a margarita that even Jesus himself would kill someone for.

The ‘Chef of the workers’ is named Doming and hot damn that guy can cook a mean soup! haha

In the mornings I usually get an omelet or chicken fingers and a salad, and Rod, our Resort chef usually cooks it and oh my freaking god the omelets are delicious.
So safe to say, the eatin’s good here.

Sometimes we all go out to the market area to eat instead, and we get rice, barbecue, tocino, lumpia and stuff…I finally tried longganisa, which is a kind of chorizo sausage thats SO SUPER TASTY!!!
Damon told me it was gross, so I was always nervous about it, but pffsshht, its super good.

The pink hot dogs too, they taste just like regular old hot dogs as far as I can tell…though when I first got here I remember trying one that was sweet and icky…..but the ones at the market are pretty typical tasting…maybe my tastebuds just forget what western food tastes like at this point.

I still for the life of me can’t figure out why some of these meats are pink though….I must solve this mystery sometime.
So far I’ve tried Pandesal, which I love…Adobo, which is obviously amazing, BBQ, which I’m addicted to, Bam-E, pictured below, Banana Heart made into some kinda slaw stuff which was interesting but strange, Tinola with pechay, onion, sayote, chilies, okra, etc….monggo soup which surprised me because monggos are beans…first bean I actually like….salads with daikon radish, ampalaya which was both icky and delicious….it’s very bitter, but the coating stuff on it is awesome…..Puso, which is just plain ‘ol rice, Siomai which is oh-so-frigging-good, but is technically a Chinese food….

Aaaaaand I actually kinda tried Balut…..I cracked open the egg, sipped the juice, ate a few wet feathers…..and everything was fine until I cracked open the entire egg and saw the baby chicken…….I tried some of the yolk, which tasted pretty much just like a boiled egg….but I couldn’t steel my nerves enough to bite into the baby.

I like going to market for supper….everyone picks what they want from the food stall/table, sits down at a table off to the side, cleans their fingers with a bucket of water, then plates of rice are brought to the table on pink plates wrapped in plastic bags…I assume for easier clean-up…pretty damn smart if you ask me….then the little bowls of calamansi and chilies and soy sauce show up…..then you wait for the delicious, juicy meeeaaatzzz….

We all sit and talk and goof off, joke around and it’s really laid back and fun.
The best part about filipino food in my humble little opinion is eating with your fingers!!!
Everyone eats with the fingers, and it’s not considered rude or gross….weirdly enough though, what is considered icky is licking your fingers afterwards….I keep trying to catch myself and stop doing it, but its hard….the food is so good I want every little taste.

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Bam-E….so freaking tasty.

After supper, literally every freakin’ night everyone drinks either Red Horse, Tequila or the evil, disgusting Tanduay.
I never drink the Tanduay…the smell still makes me absolutely want to throw up due to my experiences in Valencia….
But sometimes I have a few glasses of beer or tequila.

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Lately though, I’ve had a constant sore throat and I think I’m running a bit of a fever, so I haven’t been drinking or smoking so I can rebuild my system.

It could be caused by a few things…The treehouse I’m living in has birds in the roof and cats in the floorboards….so all the dust and …gross poo & fur residues….may be irritating my immune system….but I’m not allergic to anything, so I don’t know why it would bother me to the point of sickness….

It could also be the fact that I’m working 11-12 hours a day and in three weeks have had zero days off….even though it’s simple office work and tours and stuff….it’s still work, and my brain never shuts off or has time to fully rest.
I don’t think that’s the issue though, because I function at my peak when I’m overbusy and frantically panicky…hahah

It could also just be the change in the environment and the weather….it’s been hotter, and this area is right beside the ocean, while Valencia was up in the mountains.

Whatever I guess.

I still miss having Damon in my life…he’s an amazingly creative, interesting, smart person at his best, but honestly….life is better when I’m not being called a bunch of terrible names and being made to feel worthless and unbearably stressed out every day….Just after I got here, I was talking to him and he told me he had a heart attack and he was going to kill himself and stuff….that made the stress and the panic and the sense of irrational responsibility and guilt come pounding back into my chest and I felt sick because I know I can’t trust what he says…who knows if it’s the truth?

Here I feel productive, happy and confident in my worth….I feel part of a whole here…it’s not exactly the best-greased machine on the block, but the resort is only three months old…you can’t expect everything to be going perfectly so early on in the game….we’re all learning together, and that’s a really awesome feeling.

And even if he was killing himself, what the fuck am I going to do about it from all the way over here?? ((Excuse mon francais))
He expects me to drop everything and run to him with no money & no transportation with no guarantees that things are ok or sane or honest….exactly what got me to the Philippines in the fucking first place…..

A Pure, Reckless Loving & Careless, Devoted Trust in something that turned out to be a well-financed stage play for a fool.
Ugh, When I think about it, I hate myself and I hate the fact that I was lied to.

But It got me here, and now I’m ok…..I’m always ok, really….
I’m a fighter, a True Warrior…a Wallace, a survivor….and I can spin gold from pig shit.
Well.
Until Next Time.

Come visit the Resort’s Bloggity!
I have like…no followers on it, even though quite a few read it…I would really appreciate some follows over there!!

www.whitechocolatehillsresort.wordpress.com

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Oh, P.S….I also have been researching tattoo culture in the Philippines, and found out that they used to tattoo warriors with Orange or Calamansi thorns.

So what did I do?

Found a thorn and gave myself a new tattoo, of course!

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40 is the numerical representation of Enki/Ea, and also is representative of Capricorn.
In numerology, four is ruled by Saturn, which is my ruling planet, and of course, zero is one of the most powerful connections to the Otherside.

 
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Posted by on April 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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